I think sometimes we get so engulfed by the phobias we forget that part of what makes a rainbow is sunlight. The fear we live with, understandably so, leaves us cold, yet the full warmth of the sun’s rays glows on our skin.
My queerness for me represents so many things.
But what really stands out is the courage. The courage that has seeped through other parts of me and made me fearless. I’ve taken on the world headfirst and pursued joy relentlessly. Like it’s owed to me, and I’ve come to collect.
To go out in the pursuit of pleasure
Queer joy to me is defying what you’ve been taught all through the years about what couples are supposed to look like and what sex is supposed to be.
To go out in the pursuit of pleasure, to give it and receive it when people are banging on your windows waving religious texts and telling you to stop.
It presents itself in how I dress and what clothes mean to me.
We as a society view clothes as a gender marker, and being able to weave through them by wearing a suit and loafers today and a tiny dress with makeup tomorrow, and looking extremely good while at it is joy to me. I get to look good in multiple identities and beings without feeling like my body is foreign to me.
Queer joy is shyly slipping my hand into a pretty girl’s own hand
and lingering a bit longer in a hug so the scent of her clings to my nostril hairs, dancing with her body next to me and feeling the warmth come from it, allowing myself to drift into a fantasy of us standing at an altar, saying our vows, staring into equally soft eyes and swearing to love this queer love to the death of me. To the end of me.
To the end of me, I’m queer.
I enjoy a good chunky boot and carrying around an African novel in my tote bag full of lip glosses, eye pencil and as many jingling keys as a car yard owner has. I love looking at art, from matatu graffiti to quirky little decor pieces and trinkets I store around my home. From sitting calmly and feeding birds on the balcony as I listen to some smooth RnB to screaming my lungs out at a protest.
The duality. That’s it.
That I get to experience all three sides of the coin that is life without inhibiting or judging any part of it.
Queerness is the umbrella that lets me be and lets me live.
It’s the constitution that gives me my rights and freedoms to envision my life that is quite literally rainbows and roses.
Queer joy is me smiling as I write this, knowing that it could save someone’s life and show them that it’s not so bad on this side. There’s love, community, care, and so many shoulders that will hold you and hands that will lift your chin up.